Jokes  (against the French and France I suppose)

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: Why do zee French have zee onion and zee Arabs has zee oil?
A: Because zee French had zee first pick.

Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill up his boots with water.

A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains for dinner. She saw that American and British brains were $4.95 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
“No ma’m,” answered the butcher. “That is the correct price.” “Well, why are the French brains so expensive?” exclaimed the cannibal. “Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains?” replied the butcher.

Q: How many generations does it take to learn ingratitude?
A: Trois

And some “facts“ about them

Cuisine

The makers of French’s Mustard made the following recent statement:

We at the French’s Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard in manufactured in Rochester, NY.

The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow.

Conclusion:

by Mike Oldfield

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O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.
They’re green when summer days are bright:
They’re green when winter snow is white.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.

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Technorati Tags: optical illusions, magic, funny images

Technorati Tags: magic, optical illusions, illusions,  gunny images 

Well, almost everyone loves Jewish humor. Not everyone loves Jewish humor, but you do, so you are in the right place!

Jewish humor is the long tradition of humor in Judaism dating back to the Torah and the Midrash, but generally refers to the more recent stream of verbal, self-deprecating and often anecdotal humor originating in Eastern Europe and which took root in the United States over the last hundred years. Beginning with vaudeville, and continuing through radio, stand-up, film, and television, a disproportionate percentage of American comedians have been Jewish.

Israeli humor

Israeli humor featured many of the same themes as Jewish humor elsewhere, making fun of the country and its habits, while containing a fair bit of gallows humor as well, as a joke from a 1950 Israeli joke book indicates:

An elderly man refuses to leave for the air raid shelter until he can find his dentures. His wife yells at him, “What, you think they are dropping sandwiches?”

Or about the Israelis’ view of themselves:

An Israeli, a Russian, and an American are sitting in a restaurant. A waiter comes by and says, “Excuse me, but we have a shortage of meat.” The American asks: “What’s ’shortage’?” The Russian asks: “What’s ‘meat’?” The Israeli asks: “What’s ‘excuse me’?” (As a note, this is not strictly an Israeli joke; the Israeli can be replaced by other people with little effect to the joke—for example, New Yorkers).

Stereotype jokes

If you are sensitive to stereotyping, these jokes are not for you.

*Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
*A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

*Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie ?
*A: It’s called “Debbie Does Dishes”.

*Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
*A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

*Q: What’s a Jewish American Princess’ favorite position?
*A: Facing Bloomingdale’s

Jewish humor in the Soviet Union (Russia, Belarus, Ukraine etc.)

After months of negotiation, a Jewish scholar from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat.

At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn’t look like a peasant, and if he isn’t a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, he must be Jewish because this is, after all, the Jewish district. On the other hand, if he is a Jew where could he be going? I’m the only one in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow. Wait - just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and you don’t need special permission to go there. But why would he be going to Samvet? He’s probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, so he must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only girls, so maybe he’s their son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? Sarah married that nice lawyer from Budapest and Esther married a businessman from Zhadomir, so it must be Sarah’s husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I’m not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What’s the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if he changed his name he must have some special status. What could it be? A doctorate from the University. At this point the scholar turns to the young man and said, “How do you do, Dr. Kovacs?”

“Very well, thank you, sir” answered the startled passenger. “But how is it that you know my name?” “Oh,” replied the scholar, “it was obvious”

Jewish humor in Poland (Chelm)

Chelm is a very famous city in Jewish humor. Apparently there was once a thriving Jewish community there whose famous “Wise Men” were incredibly stupid. For all I know the community was fictional. One joke can give you the flavor: The Wise Men of Chelm decided to send a spaceship to the sun. When asked whether it would burn up, they replied “Don’t worry, we’ll send it at night“.

Technorati Tags: jewish humor, jokes, anekdotes, funny stories,  poland,  USA,  soviet union,  israeli humor